


Foolish Hope

by Intrepid_Inkweaver



Category: The Terror (TV 2018), The Terror - Dan Simmons
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Tender Tuesday, terror rarepair week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-01-31 16:51:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21449521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Intrepid_Inkweaver/pseuds/Intrepid_Inkweaver
Summary: He would take the whole of his despair upon his own shoulders were it within his power to do so.
Relationships: Harry D. S. Goodsir/Dr Alexander Macdonald
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	Foolish Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This was for the Terror Rarepair Week's "Tender Tuesday" but it's late, and it also turned out a bit sadder than I originally intended. I had some trouble with some of the sentences, so I hope they're coherent.

Alexander suddenly comes awake with a panic in his throat, breath coming in fast gulps, conditioned, no doubt, by the near-constant dread that has lurked on the shoulders of every survivor from _Erebus _and _Terror_ to associate being woken abruptly with calamity. Tonight, though, thankfully, it is no harbinger of doom, no cries signaling the onslaught of another attack by the monster out of legend that brings him to wakefulness. It is only Harry, in the bedroll next to him, muttering and thrashing in his sleep, tangling the blankets and furs around himself. This is not a new occurrence. Unfortunately, it is far from the first time since they began sharing a tent and a bedroll that Alexander has been woken like this. He sighs sadly and reaches out to touch Harry’s arm gently.

“Harry, wake up,” he says softly. “It’s only a dream, my dear. You’re safe.” Harry doesn’t seem to hear him, his muscles remain tensed and a terrified whimper escapes his throat. Alexander rolls up onto his elbow and reaches out to stroke his hair, and he can see his pained expression has not eased, his jaw is grinding in a way that will no doubt hurt come morning. He leans close to his ear and murmurs, “Harry, you’re asleep, it is a dream. You’re safe, and you are not alone.”

Harry comes awake with fast breaths and wild eyes, and Alexander settles in behind him, pulling him close to his chest, continuing to murmur a steady stream of comfort into his ear. _I am here, you are not alone. _

He has seen the changes in him. The slow fall into despair. He is at a loss as to how to halt it, or even to slow it. It’s been happening so much faster since the incident with Mr. Hickey and the family of murdered Netsilik. When the group that had accompanied Captain Crozier to the scene had returned to the camp, it had been without Lady Silence, and Harry had gained a set to his jaw and a cold anger to his eyes that Alexander had never seen there before. That evening, Harry had wept into his arms and Alexander had not been able to find a single sufficient word with which to comfort him. He had only been able to hold him until he fell into an exhausted sleep.

Hickey had gotten his punishment. Not that it had brought any of them peace. Especially not when the Tuunbaq had come for them again mere hours after Hickey and Tozer had hanged, raging through their camp, ripping through men like they were so much tissue paper. There were so few of them left now. At some point it would seem that because their lives have become a waking nightmare, their dreams should give them some respite. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that.

Harry’s breathing calms slowly, but Alexander continues to hold him, his face resting against the back of his neck. (The men all sleep in close quarters now. It is far too cold to do otherwise. If some of them sleep more closely than others, it doesn’t garner comment. Not anymore.) He feels Harry move his hand in order to entwine their fingers together against his chest. The feel of his breathing is comforting, even if he can feel his ribs far more sharply than he should be able to.

He feels it more than he hears it when Harry whispers, “Alexander?” probably testing to see if he is still awake.

“Yes?” he answers.

There’s a beat where there’s no response, but then, “Did you…ever believe that we would survive? After we left the ships?”

Alexander pauses carefully before answering, but before he can, Harry continues, “I did. For a time. Perhaps that was foolish of me.”

It hurts in a way that is almost physical to hear such despondency in his voice. Alexander holds him tighter and whispers, “Having hope is never foolish. Even now, I have not lost all hope, and you shouldn’t either. We may yet survive this.” He finds with surprise that the words he speaks are true, ridiculous as that might seem now. There is still a spark of hope that lingers in his chest, though he knows not where it comes from, nor how it stays alight. Perhaps it is born merely of stubbornness, and an inability to face losing those he loves.

Harry shifts in his arms for a moment in order to turn over and lie facing him. His eyes are red, the sockets bruised, and some of his untrimmed hair has fallen into his face. With a shaky breath, he says in a soft broken voice, “I am not certain if I am capable of hope anymore, Alexander.”

Alexander reaches over to brush his dark curls out of his eyes before resting his palm softly against his cheek. He shifts forward until their foreheads are touching, and Harry reaches up to grasp his wrist. Closing his eyes, Alexander murmurs, his voice nearly breaking, “Then I will endeavor to have hope enough for the both of us, hm?” _I would take the whole of his despair upon my own shoulders were it within my power to do so. _

They fall back to sleep tangled together, and he can only hope the morning brings some manner of relief for all of them. 

**Author's Note:**

> The next day, the rescue party finds them and all get home and heal and eventually live happily ever after because I say so. Nobody's dying on my watch. Except. You know. Everyone that already did.


End file.
